The other day, a collegemate(is this one word or two?) of mine talked to me about her plans for marriage with her boyfriend of 3 years. So, it got me thinking of my love life...shite, I don't have one. Bummer.
Push that aside. Pfft.
I also started remembering conversations in high school with my friends about the future, but mainly about marriage, in this case. I remember that a friend of mine, at the age of 13, had already decided that she would get married at the the age 24 and by 26 have 2 kids, preferably twins.
And me? Nothing.
Truth be told, I don't think I've really ever thought of marriage. Like it was
so certain, like it was something I just
had to do or forever live a miserable life as the 'Cat Lady with the 47 cats'. I just think that there is so much more to life, so many other things that I have yet to learn, so many more sights to see, so many people that I have yet to meet and the list goes on and on.
Life is an opportunity and it's a one-shot deal.
Like Eminem says " Life is no nintendo game." There are no freaking do-overs, no restart button.
The other thing that has me pretty deterred against marriage is the ever
increasing divorce rates not just in Malaysia but, the world over. I don't know how it is with you, but to me, I'd like to do it just once.
Once.
Unless, of course, you're the type who actually has a fetish for weddings and would like to have as many as you can, in that case, go for it.
From what I've read, most divorces happen because the couple just feel that they no longer connect, no longer think on the same wavelength or the ever famous, have 'irreconcilable differences'.
My theory on this is that they never really knew or understood their partners in the first place. They probably thought that they could get to know each other better after marriage. See, this is where
shit happens. At least if you had really known them
before you got married, you could have just broken up and that would be it but if you're already married,
then heck. There's court, marriage counselling, legal papers, throw in a kid into the equation and feck..that's a lot of trouble to go through to get away from one person.
Yes, I know love is blind.
Love blinds you.
And sometimes you fall so hard, the pain is ecstacy.
Yadayada..then you find out he's the type that beats women(you, in particular). Or that he has a gambling/drinking/drug habit. Or that he's the type that likes to taste different flavours every month. This list is endless.
Pity.
I get it, guys. Women are also the problem sometimes. Example, you find out she has a shopping fetish and your cards have practically melted due to all the work she's giving them, she hooked up with the pool boy(who doesn't?) or that she doesn't know shit about cooking/cleaning/taking care of a child etc.
This is my point.
Marriage isn't a game, hooohahooha. It's serious stuff. You give someone else everything of you and entrust so much to them to the point it's almost sadistic but you do it. And hope. And love.
I know I'm just rambling now but here's another thing I want to write, the image that people have towards marriage.
I'd like to call my image of it as realistic. I don't imagine a 9-5 blue collar husband, 2 kids, 2 cars and the white picket fence. I see it as a continous effort where two people give it all they've got to make something they believe to be worth it work out. And yes, there will be arguments, squabbles and maybe even a
bi-annual epic plate throwing fight but if the both of us work on it, we'll pull through.
However, some people have this really picturesque image of their marriage. They're going to marry a beautiful, religious and docile woman who'll cook/clean/take care of the kids while they go out to work. They'll all live happily ever after. It seems so
....fake. Why don't you throw in a few unicorns and a couple of fairies while you're at it?
There's more to it than this surely. This is some sort of fantasy. If you want fantasy, I've dreamed about being swept off my Chanel bootied-feet by a gorgeous Greek billionaire while cruising near the Bahamas. We set off towards the sunset on his 200-footer yatch with a 4 piece violin group serenading our journey towards paradise.
I want more than a mere husband. I want a partner, a companion. Someone who gets my jokes while making me laugh my ass off at his own jokes, someone who I can really talk to about the good/bad/everything in between, someone who I know will be there no matter what, someone that values me as much as I do him etc. You see? I expect a lot but only because I'm prepared to give the same.
I don't want a husband just so that I can say I have one. That's stupid and a fast-track towards divorce.
"Don't be a statistic" as the police would say, at least during the safety talks at school.
I only started to really give this thought after quite a few of my friends spoke about their near-future plans to wed. If you guys do, don't forget to send me an invitation :)
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